Focus on the Family Building a Family Legacy Journal
Traditions
Every family has its traditions.
- Some you may truly treasure such as big holiday gatherings with extended family.
- Others y'all may truly despise such every bit the jello mold served at every festivity.
- While some you may not even realize exist.
Those that you value, y'all promise your children "inherit." Those that you abhor, you try to avert.
However, what you pass down to your children consists of much more than these obvious traditions. Have you lot always stopped to think about the impact of all of your day-to-day interactions with your children?
What are Family Legacies?
All families have a set of beliefs, values, and attitudes that are passed down from generation to generation through the messages that children receive from their parents.
These and so get part of the growing kid's worldview.
These beliefs are oftentimes conveyed unconsciously by parents and internalized by children unknowingly and without existence evaluated in terms of their validity, truthfulness, or usefulness. They are blindly accepted.
Although most obvious during the holidays, the manual of family legacies occurs all year long through the small events and interactions of daily living.
Many of these legacies, therefore, tin can be passed along without a lot of reflection on the part of the parent.
For case, you might accept grown up in a house where "children were to be seen only not heard."
Without even realizing it, you might be acting on this thought by not encouraging or even allowing your children to voice opinions, and you may not engage in discussions and conversations with them.
Without evaluating the belief that children should not speak their minds, you may not even consider a more open approach to hearing your children's thoughts.
You simply do what has always been done.
Evaluating Family Legacies
Positive Legacies
Family legacies can be worth treasuring and passing on to the adjacent generation or they may be unhealthy and merit discarding. Being aware of your family legacies can assist yous to determine which behavior and attitudes you cherish and which you lot want to brand a conscious effort to change.
For example, if yous were raised in a family that valued "together time," your parents may accept taught you why they thought this was of import, spent time with you and your siblings, included you lot in decisions nearly outings and vacations, and encouraged y'all to set bated fourth dimension to be with your family.
Every bit an adult, you may want to continue to teach and model this value for your ain children. This is an instance of being enlightened of a positive tradition that remains important to you lot and that you have consciously decided to maintain.
Negative Legacies
On the other hand, there may be some values passed down that you lot determine you desire to alter.
For case, you may have been raised by parents who were very strict in their discipline; they were quick to punish, did non allow yous to explain your point of view, and used humiliation equally a field of study tool.
As an adult y'all may decide that yous want to reverse that legacy. Instead of using bailiwick that shames your children, you lot choose methods that maintain their self-esteem and your relationship with them.
Conflicting Family Legacies
Sometimes parents are at odds with each other because they each bring their own family legacy to the parenting tabular array. It may non be a matter of one existence right and the other wrong; they are just different options.
Yet, because parents have not stepped back and evaluated the messages they received, they may assume that there is a "all-time" manner to practise things (their family'due south way) and that whatsoever other choice is inferior.
For example, you may believe in making birthday celebrations a full 24-hour interval event with elaborate planning and lots of guests, while your co-parent believes in a easygoing dinner with a cake and merely the firsthand family. With these different expectations and assumptions, thwarting or anger can easily take over.
Changing Family Legacies
If you find yourself at odds with your parenting partner or frequently frustrated with your children, then it may exist a sign that you need to look at some of your underlying behavior.
If you hear yourself repeating words your parents said to you that you swore you would never say, you tin can cease and inquire yourself, "What do I really believe about this?"
One time you become aware of your family unit legacies, you can then choose to keep, change, or discard them.
Making changes in the letters you lot send to your children is not e'er easy and tin cause stress:
- new beliefs may non come naturally to you;
- information technology may feel like yous are being disloyal to your parents because you are rejecting some of their values by doing things differently;
- and family members may feel threatened by and resist the changes you are trying to make.
What You Tin can Do
- Surround yourself with people who support your growth.
- Make shifts in approach gradually and thoughtfully. You want to be careful not to throw the proverbial baby out with the bath h2o. At that place will probably be some parts of your family unit legacy that yous cull to preserve even as you discard other parts.
- Acknowledge the struggles other family unit members may have with the changes you are making. Remember that they may have been quite happy with how things were!
- Gather information most salubrious parenting strategies and approaches.
A Parting Thought
Past replacing some of the negative letters you captivated as a kid with ones that are more in line with how you want to alive, you can pass on to your children more than positive messages which they in plough can employ when they raise their children.
You take the ability to alter and improve upon your family'south traditions and heritage for generations to come!
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For more information about family legacies, check out the post-obit books. Purchasing books from our website through Amazon.com supports the work nosotros do to help parents do the all-time job they tin to raise their children.
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Source: https://centerforparentingeducation.org/library-of-articles/focus-parents/power-family-legacies/
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